Why Women Aren’t Interested: 3 Dating Mistakes 99% Of Men Make
I’m SO tired of seeing great guys lose out in the dating game!
As a Relationship Coach I can’t tell you how many intelligent, fun, kind and hard working men I meet that are incredibly frustrated because again and again they experience that women aren’t interested in dating them.
Why is that?
What I’ve realised is that most men know very little about dating and how to make women feel good on a date. And so they make small mistake after mistake, pushing the woman slowly but surely away - without realising it!
But those issues can be easily fixed!
So in this article I’ll explain the 3 main dating mistakes 99% of men make that explain why women aren’t interested and of course - what to do instead so that you’ll woe her forever and she’ll never want to leave your side again!
Dating Mistake 1: Playing It Too Cool
When I watch guys on dates or when my male clients tell me about their dating experiences I see again and again that trying to impress women by playing it tool cool is the number 1 dating mistake men make.
I can understand where this comes from! When most men think of alpha males, they think Ray Bans, Ferrari, Designer suit, DON’T SMILE EVER!
Buuuut, when you look closely, you can see that the men who are really successful in the dating game take the sunglasses of when they met their date, look into her eyes and smile - charming her socks off through opening up and connecting with her until she falls for him!
Why ‘Playing It Too Cool’ Is A Dating Mistake
When guys want to play it cool they do things like:
Wear sunglasses ➡️ Eye contact is crucial for establishing connection!
Don’t smile ➡️ Smiling at her will make her feel comfortable, relaxed and like you enjoy dating her!
Arrive purposely late ➡️ If you’re late she’ll think your either unorganised, lazy or don’t care about her!
The only thing this ‘strategy’ will establish is that she’ll feel as if you’re not interested in dating her. She’ll also feel bored because you’re not engaging with her.
Also, many women are very anxious about dating and playing it too cool will increase her anxiety because she won’t be able to read you and probably interpret that you’re having a terrible time!
Maybe playing it cool works for 1% of male gods (Calvin Klein models, football players, Hollywood actors) who are so good looking or famous that women just lay at their feet.
But most guys are not that (luckily!), so I’ll tell you - drop it!
What To Do Instead: Be Warm
So instead of making her feel like you don’t care about her, make her feel comfortable through being warm:
Smile at her warmly
Look into her eyes when talking (don’t stare, be relaxed about it)
Laugh at her jokes (in a genuine way!)
Touch her arms briefly when there is a connecting moment in the conversation
Make sure she’s comfortable (warm, fed, feeling safe etc.)
Be a gentleman (If she’s one of those women who gets offended when you’re opening the door for her, you know she’s not relationship material anyways (get over yourself, seriously!))
All of those elements will make her feel that you like dating her, that she’s important to you and that you’re having a great time.
And because most of us are starved of feeling like someone genuinely enjoys our company, she’ll love to see you again!
Dating Mistake 2: Pleasing
However, as you’re being warm, open and smiling, don’t make the mistake and go too much into the other extreme - pleasing!
Some men, especially those who suffer from the “Nice Guy Syndrome”, feel as if they could never be good enough for any woman and so they start to be extremely kind, bending over backwards to fulfil her wishes and finding everything she says “Hilarious!”.
That’s too much, dude!
The reason why this doesn’t land well, is because pleasing behaviour makes women feel unsafe and this is another reason why women aren’t interested in dating you.
Why ‘Pleasing’ Is A Dating Mistake
When guys are pleasing during dating, it usually looks like this:
Laughing out loud over every little joke she makes ➡️ It’s great to genuinely enjoy when she’s joking around but if you crack up over every little remark she makes, she’ll either find you annoying, a bit dull or (worst case!) creepy.
Not calling her out when she’s being late or rude ➡️ Women want to know that you’re strong man, so if you let her cross your boundaries without calling you out she won’t feel safe with you (a very little known fact!).
Asking her opinion over every little decision, not showing initiative, only doing what she wants ➡️ Again, women want to know that you’re a strong man and if you don’t show any leadership qualities (decision making, voicing your opinion, being disagreeable) she won’t feel safe.
As you can see the biggest problem with pleasing is that it makes women feel unsafe - and safety is one of the most important needs of women, due to our vulnerable nature (both on a physical and emotional level).
The interesting thing is that most men who are pleasing are extremely nice guys who love women - but they don’t understand female psychology, otherwise they would understand that in order to make women feel great, you need to show some masculine leadership qualities and strength!
What To Do Instead: Be Masculine
So instead of making her feel unsafe through pleasing, make her feel safe through being masculine:
Take the lead (organise a secret date, insist on paying (sometimes!), invite her to try your favourite activities)
Be authentic, disagree with her when you have a different opinion
Let her know when she’s crossing your boundaries (women often “test” a man through being a bit rude)
I understand that many of you have been burned through mainstream views that women want ‘equality’ while dating and that all traditional masculine gentleman behaviours are old school - but I assure you, women very much want to date masculine men who open doors and take the lead!
Dating Mistake 3: Peacocking
Alright, dating mistake Nr. 3 that 99% of men make is peacocking or also known as advertising yourself.
This is something I’m noticing so often when watching couples on dates in restaurants (and then my husband says, “Stop watching other people and focus on me, Veronika!” (If I keep this up I’ll need my own relationship coach soon 😄 …)).
The man wants to show himself off in the best light and impress his date because he knows that women like interesting and successful guys.
Yes, that’s true, but women also want someone who is interested in them!
So, similar to dating mistake 1 (playing it cool), peacocking makes women feel like you don’t care about them and is a major reason why women aren’t interested in dating you!
Why ‘Peacocking’ Is A Dating Mistake
When guys are peacocking during dating, it usually looks like this:
Talking continuously about yourself without letting her get a word in ➡️ This is a one way conversation and women will soon be bored.
Not asking her any questions or when asking questions, using her answers to talk about yourself ➡️ She’ll feel as if you’re not interested in her.
Interrupting her to talk about yourself ➡️ She’ll feel as if you don’t want to get to know her.
When she shares about a success, trying to ‘triumph’ it ➡️ She’ll feel that you’re insecure if you can’t acknowledge and celebrate her accomplishments.
As you can see, this dating mistake makes women feel bored, like you don’t want to get to know them and that you’re insecure.
Also on a personal level, I can’t tell you how often I or one of my girlfriends has come back from a date sooooo frustrated because the guy didn’t ask us a single question!
What To Do Instead: Be Curious
So instead of making her feel frustrated through peacocking, make her feel cherished through being curious:
Ask questions about her life, interests, family
Really listen to her answers (without thinking about what to respond)
Take her in: observe her body language, facial expressions - connect with her!
Celebrate her successes, value her life experience
She’ll be sooo happy when you’re genuinely interested in her and listen with curiosity and fascination to what she has to say.
And if you’re making her laugh or admire you with some fun or adventurous stories in between - great!
But don’t think you’ll win her heart by running a 2 hour personal advertising campaign on your dinner date!
Women Want Polarity & Connection
What it all boils down to is polarity and connection - this is how you score in the dating game!
Polarity is the attraction of opposites - most easily created by the fun chemistry and sensual attraction between a powerful masculine man and a radiant feminine woman.
When dating women want to feel that you’re a strong man, who’ll protect them if necessary and who’ll take the lead in new situations - this is what they find infinitely attractive in the masculine!
The knowledge about polarity is pretty much lost in our modern world but I can teach you how to do this in dating coaching - book a session here!
Connection is about being seen, heard and understood within a relationship.
When dating women want to feel like you truly want to get to know them because in a relationship closeness is an important need most women have.
So if they feel that you’re not even interested when dating, they automatically assume you won’t be able to fill their need of closeness within a relationship.
A Powerful Masculine Man Lies Within You
Lastly, let me assure you that dating is not as hard as it looks!
Within you lives a naturally masculine men who knows exactly how to win a woman’s heart - there’s just some cultural conditioning blocking him!
But when you take the tips I’ve outlined in this article (be warm, be masculine, be curious), women soon will lay at your feet - I promise!
And if you need support, just click this link and let me help - it can change your life!
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