Why Unconditional Respect Is So Important For Men In Relationships
Men Value Respect More Than Love
The most important thing to understand about men is that they value being respected more than they value feeling loved. Sounds quite crazy, right? Isn’t love the most important thing?!
Yes, love it is incredibly important but how do we feel loved is the big question! Many men describe that they know that their wife/mother/daughter loves them but they are not sure that she likes them.
How this shows itself is that many women treat the men in their lives quite harsh – they are very critical, use a sharp, commanding or condescending tone of voice, treat the man like a child etc.
This makes the man feel disrespected and although he knows that the woman deep down loves him and that she’d show up to support him if he’s sick or injured, it makes him resent her. Why?
Because men feel loved when they are treated with respect!
Now at this point many women start interjecting and telling me that they need respect equally and I want to assure you: Women need respect as well but it’s not enough for them, women need to feel cherished – that’s when they feel most fulfilled.
For men, however, respect is the most important element in any relationship, they would rather be with someone who respects them but does not love them deeply (although of course that’s not ideal!) than to be with someone that they know loves them but constantly disrespects them.
Missing Respect Is Responsible For The Sad State of Modern Relationships
Again, the two most important elements in any relationship are unconditional love and respect and men and women need both but if you drill down to the heart of the conflict it’s about men feeling disrespected and women feeling unloved.
In the light of this knowledge the sad state of modern relationships makes much more sense. For many women it’s completely normal to disrespect their boyfriends and husbands on a daily basis (and in return their partners are withholding love, but this is a subject for another blog). As you can imagine most men have accumulated a lot of resentment for their partners and it’s spilling out in all kinds of unhealthy ways.
What Does It Mean To “Respect Men” In Relationships?
Respect is such a central element to relationships and it’s astonishing to me how many people do not treat each other with even a minimal level of respect. So, first and foremost, respect is something we should always offer to anyone we are encountering because it’s just shows plain decency and makes life much more wonderful.
When it comes to relationships and particularly men, I’d like to introduce you to “unconditional respect”. You’ve probably heard of “unconditional love”, which is a beautiful goal in relationships and really inspires us to love deeper and open our hearts.
But we should also put the same emphasis on respect because it is an equally important ingredient in successful and fulfilling relationships.
“Unconditional respect means keeping a respectful tone, even when we are upset.”
Unconditional respect means:
keeping a respectful tone of voice even when we are upset
not blaming, shaming and being hyper-critical
not being controlling
not trying to force our will onto our partner/convince them of something they don’t want to do
no (emotional) manipulation
valuing our partners opinion
no interrupting, letting them finish their sentence
listening to them with our full presence, giving them space to express
assuming they have good intensions towards us (not always jumping to the worst conclusions)
admitting when we are wrong
In my own relationship this has been an absolute game changer! Why? Because every since I’m focusing on respecting my husband I get showered with love - seriously! I’m so excited about this discovery that I made a whole video about it - How to treat men with respect and get cherished in return!
In this video I’ll share the most important ‘mantra’ to go by when you’re on the path of (re-)establishing respect in your relationship and the amazing results I’ve gotten from implementing this:
Advise for Men: Being Respected Lies In Your Hands
If all men would make sure that they are treated with respect the world would be a much better place.
Why?
Because men wouldn’t carry around a constantly growing mountain of resentment through being disrespected on a daily basis.
Also, in my experience, integrated men carry this value with them wherever they go and make sure that everyone is being treated with respect.
Unfortunately it’s not a wise idea to wait until others understand how important respect is for you - that would be a waste of time and it’s likely not going to happen anytime soon.
Instead you can be one who makes sure that others will treat you with respect - and the cool thing is that it will uplift everybody!
Especially women love it when men actually take their power back and command respect because this makes women feel incredible trust towards men!
And if this sounds too good to be true you can book a coaching session and I show you how you can create an atmosphere of respect in your own relationship.
—- My husband Matt and I, whom I respect deeply —-
Advise for Women: How Respect Makes Men Want To Be Close
The effect respect has for men in relationships is incredible. In the great gender war it’s a peace offering, in this instance the woman is laying down the weapons first. I know that this is scary but if you really love men you’d want to end the war because it is exhausting and disconnecting – it sucks!
When you start treating men with respect they will respond by offering more love and understanding to you. Being respected makes them feel masculine and this means that their natural instinct to protect and provide is being triggered, which means that they will want to make a woman feel special.
This is the moment in the romantic movies when the man is courting the woman but through making sure to always treat your man with respect you can encourage this courtship during your whole relationship - not just in the beginning!
Watch this video where I share the story about how my husband and I almost broke up because I didn’t not understand the importance that respect holds for men and how I was able to turn it around:
And I understand if this feels totally foreign to you - I also could have never imagined that my husband would ever treat me like this. But he has and I’m now happier than ever - and I want to help you to feel the same! Book a coaching session now and I show you how can experience the same.
How I Use Respect In My Own Relationship
In my own relationship I regularly tell my partner all the things I respect and value in him and I can literally see his whole being lighting up. He looks at me with new eyes and I can feel that he really sees me. Every time I take a deep breath and ask with kindness for what I need in our relationship instead of listing all the ways in which he is failing (like I would have done in the past) I can feel his love for me increasing because he appreciates that I make the effort of treating him with respect.
“When you start treating men with respect they will respond by offering more love and understanding to you.”
Now, when I see him forgetting something to do in the household or I notice little habits that used to drive me nuts and resulted in regular tirades about his “messiness” (which is much more about me feeling out-of-control when something doesn’t go my way) I remember all the amazing things he brings to our life and how sincerely he contributes to our wellbeing every single day in so many ways.
And that makes me want to respect him even more! It’s a positive cycle towards more appreciation and more connection. Of course, a big part of this is:
a) healing your emotional wounds from the past because it’s hard to feel respect when we are constantly remembering how badly we’ve been hurt by men
b) learning how to set healthy boundaries because respecting men does not mean that we accept bad behaviour
Those two aspects are pre-requisites of conscious relationships and necessary in order to implement respect towards men in an effective way that doesn’t feel forced. I hope that this helps you on your way of building a fulfilling and deeply connecting relationship. For me this was an absolute game changer!
Related Blogs:
‘Nice Guys’ Kill Relationships & Masculinity
My Husband Is Not Attracted To Me: 5 Expert Steps To Get His Love Back
Understand the Secret Of Lasting Love:
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