A Melancholic Afternoon: The Practice Of Sitting With Your Sadness

Today I felt a part of me that I don’t feel so often: Sadness, Melancholy. I feel best when I’m active & laughing, I love to throw myself at projects and I get hyped when things are moving forward.

I express my emotions regularly but usually they are more of the tsunami type: lots of tears flowing, volcanic anger or frustration. But a slightly depressed feeling melancholic mood is very foreign to me. The weather is mirroring my inner world, mist and soft rain are covering the valley in South-Portugal where we are living at the moment.

I Often Push Sadness Away

Usually when I’m in this mood, I push it away by doing some mundane task like household chores or sorting out old pictures. I tell myself that I can think and process my emotions while I’m doing these things. But it’s more of an escape, really.

When I’m not productive, a voice appears in my mind who is screaming at me that I’m lazy and will never make it anywhere in life. Although I know how valuable and important it is to take time to feel my emotions I still feel guilty when I’m not using my time “properly”. And that’s a problem.

In my last blog I wrote about an inner boss that I have that is constantly stressing me while I’m working on my business. Well, I think I internalised a part that is monitoring if I’m using my time efficiently and pushes me to be busy all the time. But through this attitude I already missed out on so many things in life.

How many times did I not give my wonderful partner my full attention because I was thinking about some work related problem in my mind (totally unnecessary because if you constantly think the same thoughts, the solution does not come to you!)?

How many times was I not able to meet my daily goals because I was so worried about doing things perfect that I got lost in detail? How many times did I came back from my lunch walk only to realise that I haven’t even noticed the nature because I was somewhere completely different with my mind?

My Addiction To Being Productive

What I’m starting to understand is how much my addiction to being productive (or rather my fear of being unproductive) influences my life in a negative way.

I do not feel in control of this attitude. It’s ruling my life – and it doesn’t lead to positive outcomes. It’s time to ditch this attitude and create a mindset that actually encompasses all that makes me happy – not just the reductionist kindergarten belief that “once I’m successful I will be happy”.

I clearly adopted this belief from my German upbringing (it’s maybe the most efficiency driven culture in the world) and it’s time for it to go. It doesn’t work for the Germans (very rich country with a lot of very unhappy people) it doesn’t work for me.

A New Practice: The Melancholic Afternoon

So today my boyfriend and I started a new practice. We call it “the melancholic afternoon”. If one of us is in a sad mood instead of pushing it away we are going to embrace it together. We will spend an afternoon on the couch, listening to melancholic music, drinking tea and looking out of the window (hopefully it’s a misty day, like today).

What makes this practice special is that we are together, because what usually makes this feeling so terrible is that we feel isolated and alone. By making room for it in our life, we can actually find some enjoyment in the bittersweet feelings and also experience that the other also loves this part of us.

Too often we suppress parts that are sad or angry because we are afraid that our partner won’t like them. But through showing ourselves as we really are, real depth can be created in the relationship. And to me it was so wonderful to experience that I’m no alone in my melancholy.

And in the end, what is there better than connection?

Free Guided Meditation: “Feeling Emotions In The Body”

Build awareness of your emotional state through my free guided meditation. The connection point to our emotions is always our body and through this meditation you learn how to feel better where you are at and what is your inner truth. This will help you to discover your purpose, what you truly want in life and what are the best decisions for you.