Feeling Pressure From The Inside

Today I was walking with my partner and we were talking about our fears. After leaving our old jobs and starting a business together, we were confused why we experienced similar stress levels and worried about similar things as before. Maybe our respective bosses hadn’t been the reason we were stressed at work. Maybe it was us all along, feeling pressure from the inside.

When we talked about which feelings came up when we felt so stress, I was afraid of failing and not being good enough. My boyfriend was afraid that we were not earning an income fast enough and that his competitors were working more than him.

Powerful, deep fears.

One of the reasons we went freelance was to be able to stop the work if powerful emotions come up and tend to them and do some inner work. But now that we have this freedom, we have our inner anxious boss telling us that these feelings are not important and that we have to keep going, otherwise we will never make it. The interesting thing is that when we work in such an emotional state, the work is never good. Things take 10x longer and we make more mistakes.

So what to do then?

When we were reflecting on these fears today, I realised that no matter how much I will achieve, I will probably never feel good enough. The reason for this is, is that not feeling good enough comes from a very deep wound inside of me and a part of me might think that I can soothe this wound by finally experiencing that I’m good enough. But deep down I know that it would only serve as a plaster on a flesh wound. Me not feeling good enough will only change if I really look at this wounding and find a way to help it heal – which is process and involves patience and care.

The same goes for my boyfriend. He has always worried about money, not matter how poor or rich he was (and that has varied quite a bit in his life). There are also studies that show that rich people worry as much, if not more, about money. So it does not really have to do with how much mula you have in the bank but it’s again a deeper wound that expresses itself through this fear.

Calming The Fearful Part Within

So today we experimented with talking to that part of us that is afraid and being with it. That was nice actually. It creates a certain kind of peace when you realise that an uncomfortable emotion comes up and there is nothing to do about it. No action to take.

It makes you feel like you can take a breather. And it makes me wonder if that’s why we have such a hectic lifestyle here in the Global North. We constantly run around trying to take action in order to change our emotional state. What if everyone would just stop for a day and just be with themselves. Maybe half the entertainment, food and porn industry would loose their businesses.

Another thing that came to my mind that made me feel more relaxed was that these fears we are experiencing will never go away. You will always be afraid of something. Maybe the fear changes its coat but it will always be there. So how about we learn how to navigate a life with fear? Befriend it.

“Hello fear, how are you today? Yes, I thought you might stop by after the crazy new idea I had last night.”

That could be quite revolutionary.